The mitzvah of nuhum avelim (comforting mourners) is being carried out with great sensitivity. We all thank you for the warm, wonderful condolence messages. It has brought solace to get a glimpse of the many lives Faina continues to touch. A blessing of this internet age is the enabling of people to get such messages to us from across the region, across the country, and from Israel, Estonia, and Kazakstan in fractions of a second.
I am sharing a small, sample, unattributed, since they were private messages:
I was a patient of Dr. Nagel's and she was such a kind and gentle soul. She was always concerned about my pain and how to minimize it. When I panicked during a root canal procedure, she held my hand. To her dear family ... know that she touched the lives of many and we are all better for having known her. My husband and I are sorry for your loss.
Our thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family over the loss of your wife/your children's mother. We are so sorry that she was ill and now has passed. You are very strong and always seemed to light up whenever you talked about her. We want you to know that you and your family are in our thoughts.
I will always remember her warmth, the twinkle in her eyes, and how confortable she made me feel. I hope that you, Margo and Jamie will find comfort and peace now that she is no longer in pain. May her memory be a blessing.
We fondly remember going out to dinner with the two of you – how charming, how beautiful, how fun, how intelligent Faina was. We also remember visiting you at your lovely home when you had just discovered that Faina had cancer. I remember taking Faina’ hands into mine and feeling how powerful her life force was. We are so grateful that you let us into your lives at a very private moment. We cherish the memory of that visit.
This may speak for a lot of people:
I can't possibly communicate as insightfully, poetically, and perfectly as you have with all of us, but please know that I am one of many who were with you and Faina, if only in cyberspace, over the past few months and in moments of silence I will think of your love and her spirit.
The funeral will be this Sunday at Beth El @ 12:30. We will be sittting shiva, at home, through Thursday evening.
People have asked about donations in Faina's memory. Our daughters proposed something in Israel and related to cancer research. Faina got her masters degree from the Haifa Technion, a school that is often described accurately as the MIT of Israel and has several departments conducting cutting edge cancer research. Combining the three, we are asking for donations to be sent to the American Technion Society - http://www.ats.org/
Shabbat Shalom
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
This is the Time
This is no time to be acting frivolous
because the time is getting late ....
This is no time to ignore warnings
This is no time to clear the plate
Let's not be sorry after the fact
and let the past become our fate ....
This is a time to gather force
and take dead aim and attack ....
The future is at hand ....
This is a time for action
because the future's within reach
This is the time (from There is no Time, Lou Reed)
The past few days have been extremely active. I've missed a lot of meals, caught my carbs and proteins on the fly and have not strung too many consecutive hours of sleep either. Nonetheless, this melancholy assignment has been a profound test of every inner and outer resource within my grasp. Margo and Jamie have been incredible in every way every step of the way.
Although Faina was told weeks ago that it was time to initiate hospice care, at the deepest levels of her Being, she had a need to hear confirmation of that assessment from Dr. Meng (Sloan Kettering), a definitive, respected, second opinion that there are no longer any treatment options. He had been holding to protocol that we would have to meet with him in New York. He finally offered to speak on the phone and with a fist full of recent CT, PT, and X-ray data communicated his assessment and suggested embrace the quality of life option at this point over suffering the rigors of any chemotherapy regimen he could propose. Faina acquiesed to his opinion and by extension, that of Dr. K. Today, home hospice is the reality.
As all of this was playing out, my brother-in-law, Igor was on his way from Israel. One of my first double dates with Faina was with her brother and his wife Galia. Like his father, fighting the Nazis from Stalingrad to Berlin, Igor was a part of the Israeli army chasing the PLO from southern Lebanon to Beirut in the 1982 Lebanon War. Years ago, when I asked him how he fought for four straight days with no sleep he said you just find the strength until the fighting is done. That is pretty much how I feel at the moment. Seeing his pain upon laying eyes on his sister on Tuesday morning was to look on a tragic scene. Despite the great distances that separated them, they were extremely close.
As I was writing this, while at her side, Faina quietly, peacefully passed away. She was always better than good, smarter than me, my guide and confidant. A fighter to the end. The greatest love of my life. My b'shert.
because the time is getting late ....
This is no time to ignore warnings
This is no time to clear the plate
Let's not be sorry after the fact
and let the past become our fate ....
This is a time to gather force
and take dead aim and attack ....
The future is at hand ....
This is a time for action
because the future's within reach
This is the time (from There is no Time, Lou Reed)
The past few days have been extremely active. I've missed a lot of meals, caught my carbs and proteins on the fly and have not strung too many consecutive hours of sleep either. Nonetheless, this melancholy assignment has been a profound test of every inner and outer resource within my grasp. Margo and Jamie have been incredible in every way every step of the way.
Although Faina was told weeks ago that it was time to initiate hospice care, at the deepest levels of her Being, she had a need to hear confirmation of that assessment from Dr. Meng (Sloan Kettering), a definitive, respected, second opinion that there are no longer any treatment options. He had been holding to protocol that we would have to meet with him in New York. He finally offered to speak on the phone and with a fist full of recent CT, PT, and X-ray data communicated his assessment and suggested embrace the quality of life option at this point over suffering the rigors of any chemotherapy regimen he could propose. Faina acquiesed to his opinion and by extension, that of Dr. K. Today, home hospice is the reality.
As all of this was playing out, my brother-in-law, Igor was on his way from Israel. One of my first double dates with Faina was with her brother and his wife Galia. Like his father, fighting the Nazis from Stalingrad to Berlin, Igor was a part of the Israeli army chasing the PLO from southern Lebanon to Beirut in the 1982 Lebanon War. Years ago, when I asked him how he fought for four straight days with no sleep he said you just find the strength until the fighting is done. That is pretty much how I feel at the moment. Seeing his pain upon laying eyes on his sister on Tuesday morning was to look on a tragic scene. Despite the great distances that separated them, they were extremely close.
As I was writing this, while at her side, Faina quietly, peacefully passed away. She was always better than good, smarter than me, my guide and confidant. A fighter to the end. The greatest love of my life. My b'shert.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Finding the Goldilocks Zone
In astronomy, the Goldilocks Zone is that distance from a sun where water would stay liquid, and therefore, potentially sustain life. It is the range that is not too hot to burn off water and not too cold that H2O would be frozen. Think Venus, "This planet is too hot;" Throw in Mars, "This planet is too cold;" and then consider Earth, "This planet is just right." A challenge for astrophysicists is to find an exoplanet, one not in our solar system, that is in the Goldilocks Zone of another star.
We have spent the last week trying to get Faina to the analgesic Goldilocks Zone. She has a whole solar system of potent medications in her orbit, Reglan, Ambien, Adivan, and Zofran. Other medications, such as oxycontin and oxycodone have passed by like comets or, like meteorites, burned up in her atmosphere. On Tuesday, she could not get enough dilaudid to be beyond the range of pain. That was a long, unpleasant day. The pills, that she now seems able to get down, help create a pharmacologic constellation. Her North Star (Polaris) is the PCA pumped, patient controlled, Dilaudid. These doses come two ways, a base dose that is continuously pumped and boluses, a sudden rush when the button is pushed. I spent a lot of time on the phone with Hopkins Home Health Care (HHHC) services, resetting the pump and over the course of the day, yesterday, her base dose was changed three times, from 2 mg/hour to 3 mg per hour to 5 mg per hour. The bolus was also changed from 1.5 mg with a 6 minute lockout to 2 mg with a 10 minute lockout. This progression took her from being in almost constant pain to what became, on the up side, a good night's sleep and, on the down side, a day of being alarmingly over sedated. She was as lifeless as the moon. Her speech tended toward incoherent. Today, I once again worked with HHHC, lowered her base dose to 4 mg. After a few hours she noticeably regained some of her sparkle. At about that point Jamie came home from her first night's performance in Atholton HS's production of The Drowsy Chaperone. Faina followed up the earlier "Break a leg" with a congratulations. The pharmacist tells me that it takes hours for the body to adjust to the new settings. Let's see what one more revolution of this world brings us along with a new dawn.
We have spent the last week trying to get Faina to the analgesic Goldilocks Zone. She has a whole solar system of potent medications in her orbit, Reglan, Ambien, Adivan, and Zofran. Other medications, such as oxycontin and oxycodone have passed by like comets or, like meteorites, burned up in her atmosphere. On Tuesday, she could not get enough dilaudid to be beyond the range of pain. That was a long, unpleasant day. The pills, that she now seems able to get down, help create a pharmacologic constellation. Her North Star (Polaris) is the PCA pumped, patient controlled, Dilaudid. These doses come two ways, a base dose that is continuously pumped and boluses, a sudden rush when the button is pushed. I spent a lot of time on the phone with Hopkins Home Health Care (HHHC) services, resetting the pump and over the course of the day, yesterday, her base dose was changed three times, from 2 mg/hour to 3 mg per hour to 5 mg per hour. The bolus was also changed from 1.5 mg with a 6 minute lockout to 2 mg with a 10 minute lockout. This progression took her from being in almost constant pain to what became, on the up side, a good night's sleep and, on the down side, a day of being alarmingly over sedated. She was as lifeless as the moon. Her speech tended toward incoherent. Today, I once again worked with HHHC, lowered her base dose to 4 mg. After a few hours she noticeably regained some of her sparkle. At about that point Jamie came home from her first night's performance in Atholton HS's production of The Drowsy Chaperone. Faina followed up the earlier "Break a leg" with a congratulations. The pharmacist tells me that it takes hours for the body to adjust to the new settings. Let's see what one more revolution of this world brings us along with a new dawn.
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